I had to blog to get things out of my head. I was chatting with an old friend and we were catching up on lost time seeing as its been awhile since we last talked. I have to say shes been through so much in her life but has totally changed her life around since. I guess hearing about unhealthy bad relationships makes me realize how lucky I am to have Dave in my life and what a wonderful man he is. But my heart breaks when I hear of really bad relationships where abuse is involved weather is be physically or verbally. In my mind, it's just not right regardless of how you see it, or how sorry you are. I just don't know what goes through someones mind when he decides to hit a woman or call her down, its pretty disgusting when I think about it. In case you're wondering, then yes, I have been through these types of relationships too! So I told myself the same lies over and over "Yes he is sorry", "I know he won't do it again", "He never meant it" and the biggest fake belief ever "I know he's going to change".....ok maybe one day he does change, and good for him if he does, but I know telling myself these things never really helped me either. Actually no one could help me, other than me. I decide when enough is enough and I decide to walk away....yet, I know how easy it is to convince yourself otherwise. It took awhile for me to realize that regardless of how much I convince myself that things were going to change, that it was only I who can really change the situation I let myself be apart of. I'm not saying it was my fault why he did such things...I'm just saying it was my own fault for staying and I can only learn to forgive myself for those times I convinced myself it would change. Even those experiences that where uncalled for I know it made me stronger. Regardless of how much I felt like a prisoner in my own life I always seen a light at the end of the tunnel, and it didn't matter how dim that light might have been, it was still a light nonetheless...and for me it meant hope that things won't always be this way. But its up to you to keep focused, stay positive, and to keep on moving forward. It's also important to love yourself because how can you simply love anything else if you don't???
So after our conversation, which was great to have by the way, we decided to stay in touch and work together on some new projects in the future. It's a stepping stone but it will happen later down in the future and I'm pretty excited about it.
Dave called and we got to talking. He's doing fine by the way and I expect him home soon! I can't wait to sit around with him, laugh with him, hold him, hug him, kiss him and all those love sappy things! I was thinking about that time we took the kids out west and they ditched us for a hike of their own...yep, Dave and I sat on the mountain just laughing away and enjoying the scenes. It was such a great day for all of us. And I look forward to more days like that in our future. I think we are perfectly content with just being Auntie Awesome and Kunkle Dave from now on. We realized we can still spoil and love our kids (nieces and nephews) in our own way, and take them on our many trips in the future. In the beginning it was hard to accept that it was just going to be us but then we realized we're never going to be alone either. Acceptance kind of brings balance in your life too and one day you'll realize you're happy with it. Everything is going to be alright.
And everything is alright. :D
